I was 5 years old when I watched the âTeardrops On My Guitarâ music video for the first time. It was 2006, and Taylor Swift was laying on a bed beside her guitar, blonde hair in ringlets with a smoky eye and glittery lid. The reflective green dress she wore hung off the side. I thought she was the most beautiful person I had ever seen, and from that day forward, I prayed for curly blonde hair, a closet full of ball gowns and watched online tutorials on how to do makeup.
That song was also the beginning of a long string of media including teen romance movies like A Cinderella Story (one of my favs) teaching me that my value as a girl was defined by other peoplesâ opinions, â usually male, specifically â and that I should smile and take whatever they gave me. The lyrics of âTeardrops On My Guitarâsâ outro show what I mean. They say:
'Cause he's the reason for the teardrops on my guitar
The only one who's got enough of me to break my heart
He's the song in the car I keep singing, don't know why I do
He's the time taken up, but there's never enough
And he's all that I need to fall into
Drew looks at me, I fake a smile so he won't see
Basically, the guy in the song doesnât realize Taylor has a crush on him, and instead of moving on or telling him about it, she sticks around to do whatever will make him happy. This leaves her in emotional agony, but she stays for the sake of an unreciprocated love. Upon hearing these lyrics, my little impressionable mind learned it is okay to give people who give me crumbs of attention emotional power over me. And until the age of 2I, when I started therapy, I did just that. Not just with boys, but with everybody.
I mention this because I realize just how much the media I consumed growing up now affects me as an adult. Itâs 18 years later and I still love intense eye makeup and find any and every excuse to wear long, beautiful dresses. But I also still have an internalized belief that my worth is defined by other people, and I have to make a conscious effort everyday to unlearn that.
This is not to shame Taylor Swift. Negative, patriarchal standards were all the rage in media during the 2000s, but I think itâs important to discuss how impactful art can be and the the potential it has to change peopleâs lives.
Before reading the rest of this monthâs newsletter, I encourage you to think about one piece of media that has had a positive impact on you and one that had a negative impact. For example, âAll About Loveâ by bell hooks is a book that helped me unlearn the people pleasing taught to me by media like âTeardrops On My Guitar.â It taught me how to discern acts of love from actions that are not love, how to see value in myself and how to set boundaries without shutting out the world.
With that in mind, I want to share with you a piece of media I think has the potential to impact its readers in an incredible way. This oneâs for my fantasy book girlies. I hope you enjoy, and if you have read this book, PLEASE let me know your thoughts. I could talk about it all day long.
A faerieâs guide to meditation đŠ
A tangent on why I gave âA Court of Silver Flamesâ five stars on Goodreads
In Sarah J. Maasâ âA Court of Silver Flamesâ she uses an extinct group of female warriorâs training techniques to share healthy coping mechanisms with her readers. Then, through the main character of the âA Court of Thorns and Rosesâ seriesâ sister, Maas teaches the audience about unconditional self love.
In the fifth book of the ACOTAR series, Maas shifts the point of view entirely to give readers a deep look into the emotions and actions of Nesta Archeron. In previous books, Nesta has a bad reputation because of the hatred of her father, the neglect of her younger sister and the way she generally treats people. In ACOSF, the readers learn Nesta is written this way on purpose. It is slowly revealed she is facing years of guilt and trauma that has led to her array of negative behaviors and isolation. Maas uses Nestaâs story to teach a lesson on the power of shame and self forgiveness.
The through line of the book is unconditional self love, which I donât think is used in media enough. Unconditional self love is the idea that a person still believes they hold value and deserve love and respect despite their mistakes. This idea helps people heal by taking the pressure off of being perfect and feeling crushed by the guilt that comes from facing onesâ past mistakes.
Through characters like Amren and Cassian, Maas also shows the power of a support system. In the book, Amren tells Cassian to keep extending a metaphorical hand out to Nesta when she refuses help. By this, she means to keep reaching out and checking in on her until sheâs ready to take the next steps towards healing. By repeating this in the book, Maas shows readers that consistently letting someone know theyâre there for them can over time help them build the courage to one day accept their offer.
Then, Maas introduces structure, exercise and purpose as ways to work through trauma. In the book, Nestaâs days slowly gain rhythm as she trains, works in the library, reads and walks the House of Windâs steps. These activities create fulfillment and overtime help Nesta form healthy relationships.
My favorite part of the book though, is when Maas introduces the Valkyries, a female warrior group that died off during a war. Nesta and her friends start training like the Valkyries once did, and the genius of it is that the training includes things like breath work and meditation. Throughout the rest of the book, the reader gets to experience how difficult it is for Nesta to meditate for the first time and how she ends up using square breathing during moments of stress. The reader also gets to see how the coping mechanisms help Nesta focus during training and managing her emotions.
I think a key moment of the book is when Nesta, after weeks of improvement, becomes triggered and in her rage rashly reveals a secret to her sister. Her actions hurt and anger all of the primary characters in the book and she gets temporarily banned from the city. She then goes with Cassian on a several-day-long hike where she wallows in regret. At the end of the hike, she breaks down crying, letting out years worth of suppressed emotions. This is important, because it is a reminder that healing is not linear, and regression happens.
This moment also reminds the reader that sometimes itâs necessary to cry, grieve and feel all of the emotions. At some point in oneâs healing journey, there is no moving forward without releasing pent up energy and letting it go.
I love this book, because I think writing like this can have a huge impact on society. If ACOSF has the potential to leave an impression on people the way âTeardrops On My Guitarâ did to me in 2006, then there might be thousands of people out there who will always remember how Nesta learned to let negative thoughts go by envisioning a wave washing over her. Or theyâll remember how she eventually got the hang of meditating, but only after working through her distracting thoughts first. Sneaking positive lessons in self care into a fantasy romance novel is the kind of productive genius I like to see.
Other favorites from June đ
TV: Bobâs Burgers
I never thought I would be someone who watches Bobâs Burgers, but here we are. I turn it on in the morning, and itâs the mind numbing humor I need as I wake up. I will let you know if I keep at it for the entire 14 seasons. Iâm currently on season two.
Music: âToughâ by Lana Del Rey + Quavo
After an incredible performance at Fenway Park, Lana Del Rey and Quavo released their song âToughâ with a music video. Their voices compliment each other impeccably and Lana sounds like a literal angel during the bridge. I will be blasting it for the rest of summer.
Podcast: Podcrushed
This podcast is all about celebrities sharing stories from middle school hosted by Penn Badgley, Nava Kavelin and Sophie Ansari. It is incredibly humanizing, and I love how comfortable their guests are. Itâs a very chill, easy listen.
Movie: 10 Things I Hate About You
My sister picks on me for being a chronic movie re-watcher, but â10 Things I Hate About Youâ is a top tier comfort movie. The cast is impeccable, and as a teenager, I was obsessed with Kat Stratfordâs feminist independence. Amazing.
Books: No Ordinary Assignment
I am a third of the way through and I am hooked. For one, Jane Fergusonâs writing and storytelling are incredibly well done and visceral. Also, as a book on her experiences covering war and conflict as a journalist, it is super relevant to current events. I canât wait to read more.
If you feel like sharing any thoughts or feelings about the pieces of media mentioned above, please leave a comment or send me a message on social media. I would love to hear from you!
Before you go đŸ
Each time I start writing one of these, I am shocked by my ability to come up with something to write about and new pieces of media to share. During my undergrad years, I had a sneaking suspicion that I could talk about media forever. This newsletter is thus far proving that theory right. It turns out typing out my thoughts every month is like releasing a breath I have been holding in for years. Yes, I am aware of how dramatic that sounds, but put simply: I am having fun. So, thank you for reading my little newsletter! I appreciate you. If you have any recommendations for things I should read/watch/listen to, let me know. Otherwise, have an amazing July!